Conflicted
by walkthatlonesomevalley
Summary: Takes place some time after the season one finale. Betty's alone in the boarding house when someone shows up at her door. McAndrews


**Conflicted**

It was a normal night off. Betty had settled into her room, refusing to take part in any activities outside of VicMu. Some movie was playing but it sounded like all the others. A hair-brained scheme gone awry, a detective finds himself aiding some beautiful widowed-bombshell. Betty couldn't stand it all really. If she wasn't constantly worried that other people were watching her, judging her, all the damn time, she might be able to enjoy the films. But things were somewhat worse at the movies. If there was a starlet on the screen she had realized some of the girls from VicMu would turn to her to watch her face react to the starlet. It was like they were looking for proof or something. It just made Betty extremely uncomfortable. She would shift in her seat until she couldn't take it anymore and then she'd just walk out, just like that.

She left Gladys on the corner after work, urging her that things were alright and she just wanted to relax and read a book that Lorna lent her to read. Lorna did lend her a book but she wasn't much for reading. Her hobbies have all but disappeared since Kate left.

What she intended on doing was wallowing in peace, away from prying eyes and eager ears. It was no matter to most of the girls that Betty McRae was a Grade-A pervert. They could care less about the pain she was in. What they really wanted was the scandal. Betty was sure that when people found out, things would be different. And they were but it wasn't what she had thought. She had thought that people would stand away, keep her at arm's length, and try not to converse with her. She expected them to be disgusted, just like Kate, or at least scared of her. The opposite appeared to be true. Now people looked at her with excitement, she was like a celebrity all of a sudden. True, most people still looked down on her but she could see that excitement behind their eyes. Even the disgusted ones were curious; even they wanted to know everything. And they all stared, every single one.

She hadn't gone a day without someone making it their job to walk up to her, lend an ear, and try and pry the story from her lips. First it was Vera and Edith. Since it was them, Betty didn't mind much, and she knew she might tell them someday. Luckily Gladys was there and she changed the subject quickly. When Vera and Edith saw the look of relief on Betty's face they knew not to pry any further. But soon strange people started asking. Hazel took a shot, then some girls from red shift that Betty had talked to only a few times. The attraction to scandal finally dawned on her when Carol made a trip down from the office just to talk to her. That was the straw that broke the camel's back.

"Betty, what's all this I hear about you and Kate Andrews? Someone said you carry a torch for Andrews but I couldn't be sure. Thought I'd go straight to the horse."

"What'd you hear? Depends on who you're running with."

"Something about a bar and a kiss and then Kate's father throwing you across a room. He didn't really, did he? People can be so daft! Oh, can you imagine?!" Carol looked off almost mortified. She had made it her job to be friendlier to Betty since Gladys adored her so much. But, as usual, she had said the worst possible thing, yet again. She was always doing that somehow.

"It's none of your damn business!" Betty had said, pushing Carol out of the way and shooting a look at Gladys that could cut glass.

Since the incident, it seemed that, the only people who didn't ask the details could be counted on one hand. The people Betty talked with every day were on that list: Gladys, Lorna, and Marco. Even strangers had taken their chances. That's why Betty was staying in more. That's why she was scared to go out. She didn't want to talk about it but that's all anyone else wanted to do, even the ones who were disgusted, and why would she want to talk to them?

The song had stopped minutes ago but Betty just let the record spin and bump for a while. The static was comforting. Down the hall she could hear footsteps, she checked the clock, the movie wouldn't be over for another hour and people usually went out after the movie. Real chatter boxes.

Betty stood up and walked to the victrola, she looked through her collection, hearing the footsteps as they came closer. Something unsettled her. The steps were slow and the silence was so loud all of a sudden. Betty paused trying not to move, she realized that the footsteps had stopped right outside her door. She walked slowly towards the door, knowing full well that someone was hovering there. It could be anyone and Betty didn't like not knowing. Frustration grabbed her and she pulled the door up quickly, wanting the mystery to end.

"Betty…" She held her breath. "I need to come in." Kate pushed Betty out of the door frame and sat down on the bed. Betty still held the door open, she was too dumbfounded to react and Kate noticed the look of consternation on her face. "Close the door Betty." She ordered and Betty shut the door trying not to feel affronted.

"Wha- uh.. What are you doing here?" There was a lot to ask but she could barely form words let alone thoughts.

"I need your help."

"Well that's a kicker." Betty said, looking up at the ceiling, she was trying not to be affected by this sudden intrusion. She had been missing Kate terribly but she really didn't want to see her. After what Kate had said it might be better that they parted the way they did. I guess she has no choice in the matter, does she?

"Betty don't be cross. I had nowhere to go."

"Oh, right. Last restort…" Betty mumbled under her breath, she was suddenly livid. Her body backed away from Kate and she rocked in place, giving a gaze-less nod of bitter agreement. She didn't want to look at Kate and she didn't care what brought her there. She created a mess by leaving and she obviously didn't carry remorse about it. Betty realized, almost suddenly, that it was always about Kate.

"Will you help me?"

"You think I would say no, to you?" Betty asked rhetorically. Anger bubbled up inside of her.

"I know you won't say no to someone in trouble. I was hoping that still stands for me as well." Kate was looking to Betty but not in the way that she was accustomed to. She was rather serious and unsure of what to expect from her old friend whom she had wounded.

"Well you're right. I've always been honest with you. I would never hurt you." The words stung at Kate's heart. She was upset with Betty now, it seemed that Betty didn't want her there and somehow, all of a sudden, she knew she was doing something very wrong. Betty noticed Kate's sudden change and it made her uncomfortable, "What do you need? New papers? Not so sure Chet will be interested, given the way we left things. And who knows what your father did to him when he found those pictures. He may just run when he sees you, I know I might have, if given the chance." Betty realized she was being exceptionally harsh with Kate. She couldn't help it. Kate didn't look sorry. Kate didn't even look interested. _What the hell was she doing here?_ Betty thought about it solemnly. She wouldn't ever run from Kate, what a ridiculous thing she had just said now.

"I don't need papers. I can be Kate Andrews again."

"Hmm… that's comforting." Betty said, sarcastically. A few years back, Betty ran away too but she never changed her name. She found it odd that Kate wasn't really Kate and that she wanted to leave everything about herself behind. "You must really hate yourself," she said, not thinking at all.

"You know what I'm dealing with. I thought you of all people would understand this."

"Of all people… right…" Betty said. Knowing full well, what kind of "people" Kate was referring to. "I'm not hiding Kate. Never was."

"I need a place to stay." Kate said, feeling less and less safe. She had never expected Betty to be so cold towards her. Somehow she had convinced herself that Betty knew she hadn't meant those things that she said. It was obvious now that Betty had no faith in her, no hope in her. She had broken that bridge of trust between them, without even meaning to.

"And?" Betty asked, she was holding her hands in her pockets and sticking her head out just a bit. The look on her face said 'what do you want me to do about it.' And Kate read it perfectly.

"I. I should leave." Kate blurted out. Suddenly she couldn't stand to be in the room. She got up and went to the door but Betty side-stepped, blocking her path. She was sorry now, she had been harsh. Of course she would help Kate, there was nothing that could stop her from wanting to help, even being rejected in such a harsh way and then intruded upon out of the blue, like this, even that couldn't stop her from wanting to help and wanting to be there.

"Wait. Kate. Don't… You know I'll help you any way I can. It's just sudden, is all. Wasn't expecting you again… ever." Betty had gotten over the suddenness. Kate was here, that's all that mattered. She was here and she was talking.

"C-Can I stay with you?"

"What?" Betty looked at her, almost disgusted. The idea was so absurd that it threw her for a loop.

"I need a place to live and… I don't have any money."

"What about Gladys?"

"I'd rather stay with you."

"Why? I thought you never wanted me?" Kate drew back at her words like she would from her father's raised hand. She had said them, she remembered it but she wanted to forget. Why couldn't Betty forget? Was it wrong to expect her to?

"I just said that. He was there, and I said it."

"Yeah well. Sorry if I didn't catch the joke." Betty said. Every word from Kate's mouth was a contradiction now. She sounded almost mad, like those poor girls in the convents. That thought startled Betty, what if something had happened. Maybe Kate was pregnant? Maybe she was going to be sent to a convent, her family was the type to do it. Betty panicked at the thought. "Are you alright?! Did something happen?"

"N-nothing happened. I just couldn't be there."

"What about.." She felt bad asking, "What about your mother?"

"Gone…" Kate said, sitting back down on the bed. She turned from Betty now, avoiding it all.

"Kate, I'm sorry…" she apologized but it sounded wrong now. Not even she knew what she was apologizing for. There seemed to be so many good reasons to apologize. "Look. You can stay with me as long as you like, if you like. Probably tired, and this isn't helping any." Betty turned her face away, dropping her hands to her side in defeat. "I'll go see if I can rustle up a cot from management. I'm not going to tell them you're living here or they'll show me the door. You can take the bed. If you need a shower go ahead, you can take anything I have. You know I don't need much. There's a few snacks in the drawer if you're hungry." Betty said this and then quickly disappeared, the door shut behind her. At one point Kate had almost interjected. She didn't need a cot; she didn't want Betty to go through more trouble. Now, alone, Kate sighed heavily in the empty room. It smelled like Betty, it smelled like safety. She felt like she was breathing for the first time in months. Tears flooded her eyes and she cried alone without a purpose.

Down the hall, the management office was empty. Betty leaned inside the window and pulled the keys off the hook. _Worthless,_ she thought. _No security in this place_. The boarding house was still empty but most of the girls were careless and they had left candles lit in their rooms and lights on at random. Betty walked passed all the open doors and all the shut ones. She paid no mind to her physical environment because her mind was racing internally. At the end of the hall the supply closet was a mess. She had to climb over a few lounge chairs from summer and she almost kicked a lamp onto the floor. In the back she found a cot. It took a great amount of time to maneuver everything out of the room so that she could steal the cot, but she got it done eventually. She also stole a couple of towels that seemed to be unused and collecting dust, she'd wash them later just in case Kate wanted her own.

Back in the room, Kate was laying on Betty's bed. She had lit a lonely candle on the nightstand and Betty could see from a glance that she was wearing one of her nightgowns. Betty lightly smiled at the brief sight of her. The suitcase in the corner had to have clothes in it but Kate had decided to pull from her closet just the same. The thought was endearing and Betty couldn't help but feel a jump at the thought. Her mind was running marathons in minutes. _How can she still be comfortable with me after what happened?_ Betty thought to herself, almost in denial.

She pulled into the room trying not to make a noise, the girls would be flooding in any minute, Kate's timing was impeccable. Giving the cot a pull, she flew into her dresser, falling backwards with a huge thud. Kate flew up from the bed.

"Are you alright?"

"Fine." Betty said shortly, she got back up and pulled the bed all the way in. Kate stared at her from the bed, she was surprised that Betty would go through the trouble. First she said yes and now she went and found her a bed.

"Thank you, I guess I'll move."

"No, don't be silly. I'll take the cot, you get some rest." Kate looked at her oddly, as if she was watching a peculiar animal or an intriguing sideshow act. She laid herself back down, settling her hands on top of her stomach. She laced them together and clutched at her body, it was hard to hold herself together. Betty folded the cot out and scratched at her head. Her breathing was loud from the exercise and it made Kate smile just to hear it. Being here was so much different than being at home. There was nothing oppressive about this environment. As uncomfortable as this situation was it felt oddly relieving to Kate.

"Going back out. I may have stolen something." Betty said this, not thinking, then she made to leave cursing suddenly when she accidently kicked the door frame and then ran out just the same. Kate rolled over onto her stomach and laughed into her pillow. _How quickly did that happen?!_ Kate thought. She had only spent a few minutes with Betty and she was already back to finding her utterly delightful, no matter what had happened before and what would happen after, she still would rather be here than anywhere else.

Rhonda was returning by her lonesome, Betty gave her a nod in the hall. Rhonda smiled.

"It was just like the others," Rhonda said.

"And those jokers wonder why I stay home?!" Betty jested, sending Rhonda a cocky smile. Rhonda smiled back. One night when the boarding house was empty, Rhonda was laying on the couch in the communal living room reading some novel and Betty stumbled upon her there and had a nice long conversation with her. She had told Rhonda about Kate and she didn't know why she did it. Rhonda knew and she liked her all the same. Also, she didn't tell anyone, Betty knew.

"Night," she said.

"Night." Betty waved, turning around to watch her walk off. Rhonda's head bowed down as she left, she had always liked Betty. It was sad, all that happened to her.

The office was still empty, Betty leaned in slowly and put the keys back on the hook. She was hesitant to return to the room. It was so odd to have Kate in her room after what had happened. She tried not to think about what it all meant.

Back in the room it felt stuffy. Betty stepped in suddenly, paid no mind to Kate and grabbed her clothes, taking off to shower. Perhaps distance would help the situation. Betty kept leaving in hopes that when she returned Kate would be asleep, but Kate wasn't sleepy. Kate didn't know what she wanted, she wasn't even sure why she had done what she did. But here she was, wide awake.

Betty was taking so long that there was commotion in the hall again, and the noise drifted in under the door, covering Kate in a blanket of familiarity. If she tried she could almost pretend she never left. With Betty away she began to make herself at home. Getting up to use the victrola, she played the Billie Holiday record that Leon had given her, the one she had left behind. How surprising that Betty had kept it, given their previous conversation and the harshness in which she spoke.

The liquor supply was very low but Kate took the gin that was left and made herself a drink. Then she poured another and simply left it on the desk where Betty could see it, should she ever come back. The music was like medicine and the gin was quick. No food today at all, only a few sips of water, she was too nervous to be hungry and now she was here.

Billie sang on until Kate's drink was gone. She peeled Betty's side drawer open and took a chocolate bar out, unwrapping it slowly, annoyed by the sound. Another drink would suffice so she left the empty cup and picked up the full one, starting in on drink number too. Kate was almost certain that if Betty did have water, she would have still chosen the Gin. She smiled at its simple bite and she laid up on Betty's pillow, Betty's gin in one hand and her chocolate in another. Sadly she felt like a princess now, and the door opened slowly, Betty sneaking in, in hopes not to wake her.

"Don't bother being sneaky." Kate voiced. Betty swung into the room, a bundle of clothes jumbled up in her arms.

"Thought you'd be out cold."

"Can't sleep. I guess it's getting worse." Betty made a face but Kate couldn't read it, it was still too dark in the room to really see clearly. She sipped her drink expectantly. Betty didn't make her nervous, not at all. "I made you a drink, but it's in my mouth."

"Oh."

"I missed this record." Betty flipped on the light.

"You're in a better mood."

"I guess I am." Kate said, realizing it. "You made me laugh."

"The hell does that mean?!" Betty was still overly on edge. Jumpy and defensive, she had no way of processing Kate's words in any way than one that left her heartbroken.

"You're funny. Before, you said you stole something and then you disappeared. It was funny. I missed that."

"Glad I amuse you." Betty said, almost truthfully. She couldn't help but shoot the redhead a small and somewhat depressing smile. Guilt flooded Kate's previous calm, causing her heart to jump up inside her chest. She wanted to grab at her chest but her hands were full and Betty would surely see and worry.

"You didn't have to get a cot, you know? I'm not afraid of you."

"Yeah well, now you have options. How long are you stayin'?"

"As long as I can." Kate said. She smiled at Betty, making Betty feel faint. None of this was happening in a way that made any sense to her. Betty dropped her clothes on the floor out of the way. The music pulled at her insides. So long she had spent listening to this record alone, thinking of Kate. Now Kate was here in her room acting like nothing happened.

"Are we going to talk about it?"

"About what?" Kate asked truthfully. Rose-lavender drifted up to Kate's nose, distracting her, it was the smell of Betty's shampoo and Kate relished in the scent. The gin was strong and she had spoken before her thoughts, noticing now the mistake she had made.

"About what?!" A crinkle cut through Betty's forehead.

"Ooo, excuse me." Kate wiped at the side of her mouth, a bit of liquid had dripped out. "I've been drinking your gin. We can talk if you want." She sat up now, pretending to be prepared for this.

"Would it bother you?"

"No." _Yes. _Mostly, Kate didn't want to talk because she knew how honest she had always been. She couldn't lie to Betty and she wouldn't. Conversations made her nervous, she was forced to think thoughts that she would previously choose not to seek out.

"Well… what happened?" Betty walked to the desk and poured the rest of the gin into the empty glass on the desk. As she raised it to her lips she noticed the marks Kate had left, three finger prints and the memory of her lips, clear as day. She hesitated, holding the drink in the air, "Were you using this?"

"Oh, go ahead. I made you one, remember? You were gone so long…" Kate shook the drink in her hand, there was no ice so it just sloshed back and forth. She watched Betty take a sip and she timed her sip to match, wanting to breathe with her. _It's odd_, she thought to herself, _that I want to be in-tune with someone, like I do with Betty_. When Betty breathed, Kate breathed as well. She felt anxious now for the first time since the train. "We can talk about it but I don't know what happened. I don't have answers for you. I don't even know why I'm here."

"Well, why are you here? You've at least gotta know that much."

"I think, I think I wanted to be somewhere safe." Kate said. She sat up and gathered her knees up to her chest.

"And you came here?"

"Are you surprised?" Kate asked, honestly.

"Sort of, yeah."

"You really shouldn't be." All the time Kate spent at VicMu, she did feel safe. It all had to do with being away from everything she knew and being with someone who was always going to care about her. Even before Betty kissed her, she made her feel cared for and Kate trusted her greatly.

"What about all that stuff you said?"

"I told you. He was there. I just said it. I didn't mean it."

"You didn't mean it then or you don't mean it now?"

"Both." Kate smiled apologetically. It sounded like Kate was telling the truth but how was Betty to know and how could she trust her now?

"Did he hurt you?"

"Not physically…" She stopped for a moment to think about how to say this. "It hurt to think about what I said to you." Betty grew silent. Betty walked back to her dresser and opened a drawer, pulling out another full bottle of gin. She offered it up to Kate but Kate shook her head, she had enough for now, her glass was still halfway full. "I shouldn't have said it. I thought it would make things easier."

"For you.. or for me?"

"For both of us. My father wanted to hear it and I knew I was leaving… I thought… this is going to sound silly but… I thought maybe if I told you I never wanted you, you would be able to move on."

"Did you want me to move on?"

"Well.. That depends on what you mean. I wanted you to find happiness. I still want that. But I didn't want you to come looking for me. My life is a mess…"

"And here you are…" Betty said, still not sure if she actually had any solid answers to make her feel any different about her situation with Kate.

"Here I am…" Kate was beginning to feel embarrassed. Being alone with Betty after what happened, she wasn't sure she would be able to do it. But it was surprisingly easy. Too easy for her and she knows that now. "You can ask me anything," she said, trying to break the tension in half.

There was only one question Betty really wanted to ask, but it was too embarrassing and the answer could kill her. It wasn't important really but it ate her up inside.

"It's not important," Betty said. Kate could see the apprehension in her eyes.

"I really, truly, never meant to say those things. I hope you can forgive me."

"Of course. Of course I can. Don't sweat it. I'm just glad you're safe now." Betty pulled the chair from the dresser and moved it around to the other side of the bed. She spun it backwards so she could sit on it incorrectly and face Kate with an object in between the two of them. The chair wasn't tall but it did help her feel comfortable. She rested an arm along the top of the chair and relaxed to face Kate.

"Yes. I do feel safe here." Her body shifted on the bed and she looked to either side of her for a distraction. With Betty so close it was hard not to look at her and Betty had been avoiding her eyes all night so she didn't want to make matters worse. "Do you mind if I smoke?"

"Help yourself." Betty pointed to the nightstand and the ashtray. The cigarettes were in the drawer. Kate took one out and lit it, Betty was staring at her now, awed by how comfortable she was.

"You really do feel comfortable with me. I didn't think you would anymore. I never would have done it if I'd known, but. I mean… I just didn't know I guess." Kate smiled sweetly. She exhaled and moved her hand to Betty's, gently forcing the cigarette into her fingers with her own. Betty grabbed at the cigarette lightly, everything about Kate was shocking. She looked at the cigarette between her fingers and hesitated not wanting to press her lips where Kate's lips had been. There was nothing wrong with this but it felt so intimate now. Now she was extra nervous about her behavior. She didn't want to offend, not again.

"It's not gonna bite, Betty."

"I know that," Betty mocked, squinting playfully and taking the cigarette into lips. "You're not playing a trick on me are you?" She was leery, talking through her semi-closed lips, the cigarette limply held in her mouth. How little did Kate know about flirtation? It seemed that everything she was doing was in an attempt to get Betty to like her. She exhaled, calculating her position in this conversation. Holding the cigarette with her arms folded over the back of the chair she decided to be bold. "You know I like you. You know I - Please don't hate me for saying this- want you. And yet, you're here. Like rain doesn't fall in winter."

"Yes… I'm here." _Why does Betty need so much reassuring?_ Kate wondered. She moved towards Betty and locked onto her eyes, touching her hand on Betty's and then stealing her cigarette away, refusing to look away in the meanwhile. _Perhaps physical contact will calm her nerves?_ Kate thought, _it's like she's not really seeing me._ "Why can't you just be happy about it?" Kate's intentions did the opposite of what she intended. Having Kate touch her wasn't comforting to Betty, it was exhilarating and it made her self-conscious. She wanted to touch Kate so badly and Kate was just doing it, not thinking about it, not carrying about it. It was so easy for Kate and so very difficult for Betty.

"Because I don't know what it means."

"Why does it have to mean something?"

"Because, it does mean something."

"It means I want to be here, that's what it means."

"So, you like me?"

"Of course I like you, do you really have to ask that?"

"But, do you love me?" Once Betty had said it she sprung up from her chair beside the bed and took to the liquor again, this time straight from the bottle.

"I love everything about you." Kate said confidently.

"But are you, in love with me?!"

"I don't know about that."

"Did you want to kiss me?!"

"Did I? When… At the bar?" Kate smirked, a giggle escaping her lips. "No. I didn't. Well, it wasn't on my mind. You shocked me, you know."

"Kind of figured."

"Why did you run?"

"You called me disgusting. I don't know much about your home town but in my town that's a tell-tale sign to run the other way. I obviously overstepped my bounds."

"Yes. I said that but, you surprised me. Didn't you see my face?! I was more surprised than disgusted, really, I was."

"I saw your face, can't forget your face. You were disgusted. That was the first mean thing I ever heard you say to anyone, anyone at all."

"Betty, you could never truly disgust me." Kate suddenly felt very guilty again. Perhaps Betty's fears were grounded, and perhaps she was right to be on guard like she was.

"It happened princess, hate to tell ya."

"Oh, now I'm the princess?"

"Seems fitting now, yes." Betty thought about it, sitting back down on her chair, she was straddling it, sitting on it backwards like a little boy would. Kate smiled, she looked adorable in that chair. She handed the cigarette back to Betty and stole the gin from her hand taking a swig from the bottle like a champion.

"Would a princess do that?" Betty didn't skip a beat.

"Gladys would… so… yeah, I guess a princess _would _do that."

"You're too much, Betty McRae."

"How do you expect me to be?"

"I don't know. You surprise me. Everything about you surprises me. And to think I had never met someone like you." Kate leaned back down on the bed, catching the back of her neck on Betty's headboard.

"What does that mean, you keep saying that. Someone like me…" Betty looked at her quickly then looked down at her cigarette, tapping her fingers, trying not to be agitated and nervous.

"Like you? I don't mean what you think I mean. You're amazing."

"I hope you mean flawed."

"No, I mean amazing." Kate was looking at her like she used to with those wide open eyes and those parted lips. Betty gazed back at her, taken in by her beauty. This had trouble written all over it, Betty broke her stare, clearing her throat.

"So what are you really doing here?"

"I missed you."

"You keep talking like this and I'm gonna kiss you again, I mean it, keep it up, Andrews." A sudden blush swept across Kate's face and it was so vivid that it flushed over to Betty face like a wave of color had swept the room. "Knock it off," Betty said, her face beet red.

"You knock it off. You're asking all these personal questions…" Now Kate was looking down, trying not to smile, she didn't hate this at all.

"I'm not the one speaking Hebrew…" Betty joked blankly, standing up and taking her booze back. She brought the chair back to the desk and tucked it in, took one last sip of the gin and closed the bottle, collecting the glasses. Kate saw her do this and placed herself inside the covers. This game was tiring Betty out, she was getting nowhere and the night was deep and dark already. "Maybe we should talk about this later." Betty moved the needle off of the spinning record, the static had been going for a while now.

"I don't think I can sleep."

"What should we do then?"

"I don't know…" Kate said honestly, lying back in the bed, the sheets up to her neck. "Can you open the window? It's hot."

"You got it, kiddo." Betty walked around the bed and knocked the blinds around. Outside the air was cool, soon the room was chill and the noise from outside was wind through the trees. Kate could hear laughing far off in the distance. Betty shut the light off, she lay down on the cot, not carrying about the creeks it made when she moved or the busted springs that were almost sharp on her back. She shoved a sweater on the pokey springs and lay back down without a word. There was a long silence and Betty almost drifted off to sleep.

"I wanted to be here so badly." Kate's voice caught in the air. It was so silent and then she spoke. Betty's eyes flipped open; they scanned the room, not seeing at all. It wasn't a dream, Kate did speak.

"I wasn't keeping you away."

"No, you weren't. You were doing quite the opposite." Betty tucked her hands behind her head. In the dark like this, it was so soothing hearing Kate's voice cradled by the wind. The darkness was suddenly thick, Kate listened to Betty's breathing and her heart sped up. A stutter in Kate's breath caught Betty's attention but then she spoke suddenly to drown her apprehensions, "Can we hear the record again?"

"Sure thing, princess." Kate liked being called princess, it reminded her of Gladys and it was always a term of endearment between Betty and Gladys, a joke that she was in on despite never being a part of it. Now she _was _a part of it. A thump and a boing echoed as Betty's feet met the ground and her cot sprung up, relieved from the weight of her body. The cot was probably made for children, never adults. Kate remembered being at home. She had day-dreams like this often. Day-dreams of Betty being here alone in her room, listening to that specific record and lying right where she was laying now, wide awake in the night in her bed and thinking of her. The record started, a scratch and a stutter, and then the tortured voice of Billie cut through the silence, providing a steady stream of music to relieve them both of their loud thoughts. Betty lay back down on the cot.

"Betty, come up here."

"Nah. That's probably not a good idea."

"I told you, I'm not frightened of you."

"Did you ever think that it might be me that's frightened?" Betty's eyes were still scanning the room and she didn't move. Billie's voice was there but Kate was only hearing Betty's last words. Tears flooded Kate's eyes, how stupid of her, she never did think of this. Suddenly all of Betty's words began to make sense. Kate realized that Betty was afraid.

"Wh… why would you be frightened of me?" Betty was silent for a minute, she wished she had a cigarette but she was too comfortable to move.

"I don't want to hurt you. I don't want you to think that all that time I was just being nice to you so that I could touch you. Also.. It's frightening.." Betty's voice trailed off. Kate was afraid to move but she wanted to know. She turned over in her Bed to look down at Betty on the cot.

"What is?" She asked, truthfully.

"To be in love with someone and be so close."

"Oh…" Kate said, turning onto her back. While Betty was frightened she was excited. Every time she touched Betty's hand or watched Betty place her lips on her cigarette, every time it excited her, all the while Betty was frightened. "Betty…" Kate sighed. "Please, don't be scared of me… What happened before, it will never happen again."

"Which part?"

"I will never react to you the way I did, never ever again."

"Still…" Betty was skeptical.

"No. I won't. Come up here." Kate was tired of talking. Betty shrugged; she knew that Kate didn't understand what she was feeling. Deep down she wanted to be close to her, she moved anyway, knowing she'd be uncomfortable regardless of Kate's words. Kate pulled the sheet off of herself and moved over in the bed, lying on her side with the cover in her hand. Betty pulled into the bed and Kate covered them both with the sheet, tucking Betty in and pulling her close. "Don't be frightened anymore, my sweet girl." Kate's embrace was so surprising. Betty hadn't expected it and she felt almost trapped in her arms. Kate snuggled up close, covering Betty with her body and holding her loosely with every bit of herself. Out of nowhere Betty began to shake. "No, no, no.. why?" Kate asked, confused, it hurt her to feel how uncomfortable Betty actually was.

"I told you why…" Betty breathed, feeling Kate all over her, feeling Kate surround her on all sides.

"Shhh…." Kate said, brushing the hair out of Betty's eyes. "Will you just let me hold you, please.. I want to hold you." Betty didn't speak but her body relaxed as much as it could and the shaking dulled as the time went on. Kate stayed awake, leaning her face close to Betty's, holding Betty through the night. She couldn't stop stroking her hair or rubbing her hand up and down Betty's side, and taking turns, holding Betty's sweaty palm and holding onto Betty's side. She had bruised her and she didn't know what she was doing or if she was sinning but it didn't matter now because she had hurt her and she wanted to fix it. Eventually Betty fell asleep and Kate was left awake and wondering through the night, she never stopped holding her or touching her. When the sun came up it felt brand new on her cheek, she lay with her eyes closed and finally succumbed to sleep.


End file.
